Out of the country

I am having such a wonderful time in Eastern Europe that I don't want to leave. There is so much to see and enjoy that it feels like I'm not going to have much time getting to do and see all that I want in just two weeks.
I am planning on writing some more however I'm still recovering from jet lag! I do however have some pictures of the Nederland that I want to share!! Enjoy and until next time!

Just when you think you are in Hell..

You find there are more layers to it.
I am starting to think that Dante had it right. There really are nine depths of hell, not including the gate of hell and the dark wood. I have dreams just like everyone else, some a little more out there then they should. However, since I was at the tender age of nine I have only had one dream and that was to leave this simple po'dunk town and never look back.
I have actually been successful a couple of times, however this last attempt was not something I like to think about.
I managed to live out of this town of almost ten years and I have to say those had been the BEST nine years of my entire life. I actually felt as though I could give this hell forsaken state, California, the approval it has been so desperately trying to get from me since I was dragged here by hair from the sweet state of Texas.
Then out of the blue, due to an unforeseeable accident things came crashing down upon me. I am not happy that we are here in this hell hole I like to refer to as the ninth layer of hell. The place were no one cares about the needs of their handicap brother or sisters unless it happens to coincide with a need of there own. A town that is just like high school and never grows up, just keeps on with  juvenile gossip and cares.
I am also going to another country in a couple of days, this is another dream of mine. However, this whole trip is overshadowed by the fact that I will have to return to this place.
As I have said before and I will say until I no longer have to step foot back here, I would rather be tied to a post then burned  alive then EVER return.
I almost don't feel as though I wanna go. I would rather continue my search for a job in Washington, and move. I'd rather spend two weeks in hotel in the chosen state while pounding the pavement in order to secure the need of getting out of this place.
I am afraid that when we return I will be stuck here. I feel myself loose the simple spring in my step and the ever smile on my face. I do anything and almost everything I can to get out of this house. I schedule myself to be out of town as much as possible. I really wish there was something that I could do.
On my birthday a few days ago I cried my eyes out. I NEVER wanted to spend another birthday here. Most of my birthdays have  been horrible, starting from them never taking place or that they were just down right miserable. I felt as though the world was going to crash around me, and all of me wanted it to.
There has not a day since I was told that we were going to say here for a while that I don't think about what life would be like if I just bow out.
I am suddenly short tempered and constantly putting down whatever I possible can when I can. I even went as far as going to a movie out of town just so I could get out for a while. The more I do though the more heavy I feel, and the more I want to just stay in bed until I do actually fade away.
I don't understand what we did to end up in a place that has always made me miserable and no my husband. I was working on my bachelor's degree and my husband was at the top of his game. We had been so happy, about to buy a house and now we are reduced to nothing. All because of a man who decided not to wait his turn at a stop light and never stopped to see if my husband was alright. So now what?
How do I fix this? How do I keep my promise to myself and get out of here by the end of January? I have prayed almost ever second that passes that Washington isn't one of the other 48 states that hates California and someone gives me a chance. I am so desperate I am going to be applying at McDonald's and whatever else will take my app online. Until then I hope this hanging cloud over my head leaves the same day I do!

And the kid is heading to Germany

For as long as I can even remember I have always wanted to head over the ocean and venture the lands of Europe and the UK. I had even applied for an American College in France after I finished high school but alas was unable to go because I had not a real birth certificate. (Long story) Then I had told myself I that I would go after I had gotten myself into the career of my choice. Well, after some bumps in the road and some issues with life I was unable to get into the career of my choice.

Now only because of a fortuitous situation, as a result of a horrendous year, we are finally heading to Europe. We will be going to Germany and to France and who knows where else. My sweet husband is trying to arrange the trip so we can make a stop in the good old UK, which is all because he knows I have ALWAYS wanted to go there. 

 

So this Christmas will be jam packed with pictures, mainly selfies and landscape. I will also be annoying and take pictures of what I am eating. When I hop over to France I will take pictures of all the cheese I am not suppose to have!!

I am so excited!!

Until then!!

10th Anniversary

For my 10th Wedding Anniversary I have to say I am at a loss for what to get my husband. I have tried so very hard to get him a pre-order of the PlayStation, however the Amazon Gods and other fine retail establishments have decided that they are no longer taking pre-orders. Mind you I have been trying to get a pre-order for like months.
So back to square one, and hoping like all get out that the day of I will manage to purchase one at the store..ugh!!
Alas this is a milestone and I want to celebrate as though it is something special. I do not want this day to be "just another day" as all of my other anniversaries have been. I want to go somewhere and see something. I want to eat something we both normally do not have on a daily bases. For the love of all that is holy I DO NOT WANT MEXICAN!!! I want something like Greek or French food. I want something with a flare of exotic. I want to go somewhere it is cold and some place where we can bring our son, cause we both love having him around and things can still be memorable with the love of our lives.
So planning must commence! I thought about getting my one and only all three seasons of "Game of Thrones." In addition to the PlayStation...oh I use the PlayStation as well for movies and working out it is not just a him item.
The only thing I want is for one day to remember why we are so into each other and to make this day special and unlike any other!
Now Supernatural is coming on I have to go!! Until next time!!

Oh Halloween

Oh how I love Halloween!! I love the lore, the costumes, oh and the treats. Every year I try so very hard to make my decorations old Victorian but never seem to find anything. Then I tried colonial, and most of that I was able to get from Martha Stewart. However, I still stand firm that woman has way too much time on her hands. I mean half the stuff she recommends is just super time consuming.  Yet, I love it. 

I know I must hate myself.
This year I am not decorating, since I am not in the mood to decorate I am going to be baking harder then Miss Betty herself. I have downloaded my recipes, I have cut out my stencils for the air brush effects I might attempt. This is gonna be so fun.
I am excited to watch "Shaun of the Dead" AGAIN!! I am eager for more "Supernatural" and my new favorite, though it has been my favorite story since I was small,  "Sleepy Hallow."
Aside from the football, veggie chill and the cool weather this is why I LOVE fall. I love love fall and winter. I could do without summer!
I am keeping this short but I plan on posting more soon. Until then...keep watching all those Nerdy shows. I think the "Big Bang Theory" is on and I am gonna watch it.

Why Seth Rogen...Why?

This is probably going to be short. I have a selected group of actors that I would run to the theater and watch. Seth Rogen, James Franco, Jonah Hill and of course my duo from England Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are just the comedians I adore. So of course when I have a moment of free time I'm going to watch one of their new moves. In comes the movie "This is the End." I loved the humor of this film, even all the way till James Franco gets saved and tells those around him to do something to his man part. (use your imagination here.)

I was sad at this point but when it got to another point in the movie where they had ended up in Heaven I was down right  WTF mode. 

I would thought Seth would would have wished for James Franco back, and I would have excepted Jay to have wished James back for his friend Seth. After all the film is all about friendship. However, that didn't happen. So that leaves me to ask Why Seth? I thought James was your homie? :) Which leads me into my second question....Will there be a "Pineapple Express 2"? Cause that would be awesome. So to answer your movie question, Yes you should make sequels to all of your films...well most of them..

Oh and by the way what the heck did Emma Watson do to not get saved! Too funny!! 

The Lecture

Recently I have been thrust into a situation that is less than desirable. I am living in a place that I do not like. I would rather be burned at the stake then live here another day. However, this is the situation that I am, and it is something that has happened to me due to circumstances beyond my control.
I have a friend, lets call her Amy, who used to be a close friend. A best friend if you will, but alas after high school she and I did what normal people do after a while. We grew apart. She stayed in the town I hate and I moved to a different town.
Temporarily I have moved back to this town, and she and I have started our friendship up again as though nothing has changed. I still no longer use her as someone to confide in, I tell her the summary of things going on in my life but nothing that is secretive. However, this doesn't stop her from judging me and lecturing me on things she knows nothing about.
She wasn't shy about explaining to me how much of a loser I am and how I have allowed this situation to happen. Mind you I didn't plan on a member of my family becoming disable. I was working on my bachelor degree, I wasn't working when all this occurred. When things came crashing down I tried very hard to get another job, so I could stay where I wanted to stay. However, that didn't happen. I am finding it much harder to get a job since I have been out of work for so long even though I have been keeping up with my skills. I have gone through agencies telling me I have no skills, though the ones they expected me to have were none I have ever used in a professional setting. I have been through countless interviews where they look at me with sadness and tell me that I would be perfect if I was bilingual. The hill I am working up isn't easy but I'm trying. Having a "friend" tell me that I am not doing everything I need to do and I should be ashamed for applying for jobs in a place I don't want to be. By the way she wants me to apply for jobs here, but I am not....I mean why would I want to be in a place I don't want to be. My husband and I have figured out where we want to be and how we are going to get there. I just do not understand why she feels the need to comment on things she doesn't understand. When asked were I was planing on living she snorted at my answer. Why? Well, I assume it was not the place she had hoped. She then asked me what was in this town we wanted to move to. My first answer wanted to come out as "NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS" however, I didn't say that I informed her that my husband had uncles near by. She pursed her lips in frustration. I have been mean to other friends before when they were doing things that continued a behavior that hurt them. However, I NEVER stopped being supportive to someone when they needed it. I am wondering why in the world she felt the need to belittle me and then to proceed belittling me behind my back to other friends. Amy finds my husband to be a loser, I don't understand how he can be though of as a loser. Things occurred to him, by no fault of his own. He didn't ask to be hurt at work, nor did he put himself in harms way.
I wish she would take a moment and think that with all the layoffs she could have been cut from her job as a teacher, and her husband could easily become disable as well being a cop. So question..why isn't she more of a friend.
A true friend would say..."Hey there is a position at work you can do until you find something better. I can talk to my boss..." not lecture you about things beyond your control.

Selfishness with a hint of Narcissism

Today I like to reflect on an epidemic that is killing our young. It is nothing you can fight with medicine. This condition is highly contagious and is caused by almost every behavior imaginable. Buying a gift for someone can cause this silent relationship killer. Telling someone they are special, over and over can also create this condition. Telling someone they are pretty can lead to devastating results.
There really isn't any way to keep it from happening, it is after all human nature. We all have a tendency to be, gulp.....selfish. Or so into ourselves that we fall in love with ....ourselves.
However, some are affected more than others. Just so you know there is a scale for selfishness.
Some are just part time selfish, others are career selfish people, then you have the teenage selfish and the worst selfish is drug addict selfish. Narcissism has no scale, you are just way into yourself.
I know none of this makes sense, unless you have been affected by someone who suffers from this condition. Just know there are other people out there who understand what you are going through. If you have no one I will hear your tale of woe! I understand and I know what it feels like to have someone suck the life out of you because they only know how to love themselves.
It isn't easy but you will get through it, and they will get over themselves. Eventually. Or they will end up alone with just themselves, but hey they love themselves so much I guess they would be better off alone.

Feeling a little blue....

I have sadly come to a point where the things I normally do for fun are now annoying. I love reading, but I can't seem to get myself to do it without falling asleep. Writing feels more like a chore suddenly and I am not very happy about feeling as though writing is a stranger suddenly.
The best time of the year is coming around, Fall, and I'm not excited. I feel as though it could just come and go or just not come at all and I wouldn't care.
The only thing that I feel like doing is sleeping. I made myself workout this morning, I made myself open the computer but the more I look at it or the more I write with it the more I want to put it away.
I was given a super complement about my legal writing yesterday but I didn't get the rewarding feeling of a job well done.
Aside from not wanting to write or read, which is horrible in it's self, I have no idea why I am feeling this way. I want to cry until an answer comes to me but that would just take too much time.
I keep thinking it has to do with my current living situation, and the more I am unable to help with that I think that is why I just wanna sleep and do nothing else.
The truth is I'm just making up reasons as to why I am feeling the way I am. The truth maybe something I just don't want to here.
As the days pass and I get closer to my tenth anniversary I am trying to get excited. I am trying to come up with things that we can do but the more I come up with something the more scared I get about leaving. I am not even sure there is anything to be afraid of.
Except there is a leach living among us that doesn't know when he is not wanted. The more I learn of him the more I don't trust him and the less I want to leave him alone with my things. If only I could take a pencil and erase him!
Now how to make myself feel better, that is the one true question I must continue to ask myself!
Until next time I hope you are having a much better time than I am!

Day at the gun range!!

This has been the hardest couple of months I think I have had to endure. So many changes have occurred, my faith has been shaken a bit and to top it off my anxiety has been tested. I have had to resort to taking some anti anxiety meds a couple of times, and if you really knew me you'd know that was a big deal for me. I do not like taking meds. In fact I try to muscle through headaches, and sometimes through migraines. I fail about two hours into the headaches but I try!
So today my husband thought I needed a bit of therapy and since I am all for getting out of the house these days I jumped on the chance to go shooting.
I have to tell you I had a blast! The ear muffs squeezed the crap out of my head, but I had a grand time. I started out shooting a little .22, then I went to my husband's rifle.

The fact I was unable to keep the damn thing in my shoulder bothered me, but I muscled through and I did a grand job! So while I was there I was told I should up my game a little, and by doing so I needed to shoot a .40. I did, and I liked the heavier gun better then the little .22 I started out with. I seemed to do a much better job hitting my target then I had with the .22. Of course my father in law felt I needed to go one more. So I shot a .45! I am a small person and only weigh about 120lbs. Now having said that I was a little nervous about the kick I would get from the gun. However, the kick was the least of my problems. I had a few shells fly into my shirt and burn my skin. That is something I was not prepared for! I am proud of myself for not getting hysterical and waving a loaded gun around while the shell case burned my skin! I laughed it off and mentioned how the firing of a gun smelled an awful lot like firecrackers. Of course that was probably the smell of my burnt flesh! 

So while I was shooting I did get a lot of things out of my system. I just imagined my problems as the target and I shot away. I will admit it was a quick fix and once I got home everything came rushing back again as though I had never left but the fact is I got some relief. I also thought to myself what a fun experience. There was nothing to be afraid of. The entire time I was educated on how to hold the gun to how to load it and switch the safety off. My husband had offered to load my magazines (Terminology may not be accurate!), but I opted to load the magazine myself. At first I found it hard, my left hand isn't every strong and holding down the slide was a bit difficult. I managed to muscle through, and then I loaded the gun. All the while my husband, who has been shooting since he could use the toilet on his own, made sure I did what I was supposed to. He reminded me a few times to keep my finger off the trigger when I wasn't going to shoot or when I was just aiming. All in all I felt really proud of myself for going on this outing. I have always been an advocate for the 2nd Amendment but now I would have to say I UNDERSTAND it. By that I mean I simply get why it is important, and why gun education is the key to losing the fear about guns. If only everyone could take the time to learn a little about guns and gun safety they would see there is nothing to be frighted about. 

Now, I have to say I am not the best little shooter in the world as you can see from my picture! 

I may have been all over the place but I made a few count!! Now I am sure you will see that there is no sign of the .40 or the .45 and I will tell you why! When I shot the .40 I used a different target and the .45 I just didn't hit the mark. I managed to hit the hill side behind the target though!! Ha ha, at least I hit something! 

I think this is going to be a regular thing and who knows perhaps I may purchase my own lady weapon! Look out shooting competitions, I won't enter you but I'm a new spectator!  

Time out

Still getting used to the changes at home so I'll be taking a time out... hopefully something new will be up on Sunday!! until then don't miss the newest episode of Breaking Bad!!! Stay nerdy my friends!!

And Baby Makes 9

Four weeks early but the baby is here! 

click here for the link to this picture

One in the morning on a Saturday I was disturbed from my deep slumber to the pounding on my bedroom door. I tired to ignore the frequent pounding in favor of my sleep. However, the knocking persisted. I was then awoken by my husband telling me his sister had been taken by the hospital and he would return. Of course now I could no longer sleep. So I did what anyone would do while waiting for news, I did the dishes my family members had so lovingly left me the night before. 

Around two my husband returned from his hospital visit, and added he was going back to bed. His sister had been admitted and being her coach, I decided to get dressed and head down there. Good thing I had because four long and nasty hours she had her baby. 

Shocked! That is what I was, this was her first baby! She only pushed for TEN MINUTES!!!! She had no epidural, there was no time. When it was all said and done, I was relived I had missed the gory details by focusing on the empty crib. Alas my relief had been short lived when I happened to have looked over and seen the placenta emerging out of my sister in law! Not something I recommend seeing! 

I still have not recovered my lack of sleep. She however has! She is the most unorganized and not so prepared person I have ever met and she is doing better then I am! And she just had a baby!!! 

So now I am dealing with the glow of the annoying "adult" parents who think they are living on cloud nine. None of them have to pay for this whole ordeal because the mother is covered under her father's insurance. I am saddened she had such a simple birth only because it makes me afraid she is going to think she can do this again!

I am also afraid she has made an even bigger mistake by not breaking up with her less then average boyfriend. I can only hope and pray she will come to her senses soon!!! 

I mean how do you let someone come back into your life who didn't show up for almost two weeks after cussing you out, and practically panicked like a little girl while you are giving birth to his baby! I can't stomach a lot of things and nor have I ever had a vaginal birth (C-section for life baby!!) but I was the one who took her to her Lamaze classes! I was the one who pushed for her prenatal care, and question the size of her stomach when I thought she looked to small, and so did her doctor. I was the one who washed all of her baby clothing and bottles because she was early and no one else was going to help. I was the one who took care of her for the last two months and yet I am not rewarded with the removal of her loser and alleged abusive boyfriend! I only ask for one thing and that is only because I am concerned about her future. I am not a busy body by all means, nor do I want to be apart of this stressful situation. Having said that I must let it be known this situation is like watching a child burn themselves. You just can't sit back and watch it happen!! 

To end this bittersweet post, and I say bittersweet because this is not a happy moment. This is the beginning of a nasty rocky road (teen mom). One that we will all be left picking up the pieces when this explodes and the only one who will suffer the most will be the sweet baby! 

The baby is fine, we are waiting to brink her home. Hopefully in a couple of days she will be brought here and we won't have to wait until she is 39 weeks! 

Until next time, WEAR CONDOMS!!! 

Eye of the Tiger Baby!!!

Before I begin I need to give a little update. I returned to the Law Library for more research and I handled that place like a boss! I walked in with a "I will conquer" attitude and boy did I conquer! Of course it helps that I was listening to the "Rocky" theme song! Ha! As I said in last week"s post I know how to use a library and why this was hard I have no idea. The one thing I did that made the whole process much easier was just think of the indexes as a card catalog. Once I did that things just fell into place. Now, I am more confident my job as a Paralegal will be more successful.  As Katy Perry recently said in her new song...."I got the eye of the tiger, the fire, dancing through the fire cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me ROAR."


Now that I have my new theme song in place I feel as though I can conquer whatever plan I have in my mind. Sadly at my age this is harder and to harder to feel. Why is it that songs and encouragement only apply to the young? Then there is that grey period that I don't understand, I found myself on the outs of everything. If only Sex and the City were still on then I wouldn't feel as though nothing relates to me. For crying out loud the movies and books that are popular right now are teeny books!

How this turned into a rant from my awesome week I have no idea!

This week is also the last week of summer. Gearing up for the new school year has been one heck of a project. I have had an issue already with the school district. My child has been transferred three times, and the year hasn't even started yet. To make things so much better the district was placing him in a grade he had already completed. Why I have no idea, my only guess is they are just silly! (That was the nicest word I could up).

So, with me being the efficient busy body that I am I managed to get them to place him in a school and have transportation ready to go! Yay me! 

Though out this I have come to be proud of myself and this is how-I manged to get my relative to finally step up to his duties. It took a lot of pushing and demanding but I finally got his attention. So now he is going to be spending more time with our other relative who is pregnant and he is going to be taking her to her doctor appointments. I know you don't want to face certain situations as they are happening. Especially when they are uncomfortable or horrible or both, but you have to face them. This is something I am all too familiar with and I am hoping that soon my light at the end of the tunnel comes. 

So with that I have to say this is the first time in a long time I actually feel good about myself. I feel almost back to my old self. Working out might have done some work to my mental state. Working on my writing and working on my future has helped out a ton. The writer's block moment was annoying but I feel it is finally lifting. 

And of course I have been playing video games...like you didn't see that coming. I have also been gearing up to watch my favorite duo, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg in The World's End. And..wait for it....

the best part of this week I have......booked my trip for San Diego for....wait for it.....I am going to Comic Con 2014!!! Oh so excited!!! Now begs the question..To dress up or not? 

Until next time my friends..stay nerdy! 

The Law Library!!

Holy books Batman!!
I have never, ever, met a library I couldn't man handle! I love walking in to a library and just get familiar. I show up and just walk around while running my fingers along the shelves as though I'm seducing a lover. I whisper hello, in my head, to the books.I like everything about the library, from the smell to the crazy looking librarians and the strange people who enter.
I love sitting there just reading, and maybe writing a little.
However, today I have met a rough library. The law library! I have never been so over whelmed and frustrated in all my life. I know that today was just my first day so I shouldn't fret. That doesn't make me feel any better. I mean I should know how to read a damn book! When you look up something for a specific statue you have to start with an index, and from there the index leads you to the book you will  be able to find it in. I can not get passed the index! I wonder if it is because I don't really have an example for looking up but you would think it would be something you could easily figure out. I don't feel that way now!
I feel as though I need someone to hold my hand just to find the damn index. I also think the indexes are a waste of time, though I need to use them. I need to understand them and I must do so in a way that I will be good at what I do!
So tomorrow, I'll let you know how that goes. For now I just wanna cry! :)

Whovians clear your calenders!!!

So the we will not be waiting till December to see who the new Doctor will be? 

That is right the new Doctor will be revealed on BBC American and the Real BBC this Sunday!!

I. am. not. ready!

Yet, at the same time I am really excited. Conflicted much? 

As I have stated before I am really sad that Matt Smith has decided he is done with the series but then again all things must come to an end. (insert sad face here) I have grown to love him as much as I loved David Tennant.(Doctor #10), though at first it wasn't easy. David is still my favorite out of all the Doctors, my son loves Doctor #3 and #10. He is so very excited that November is almost here and he is excited there will be a new Doctor. So the lesson I am taking from him is to just be excited the damn show is on!

So until then I'll have the popcorn ready to pop and the tissues ready to go. 

The tear damn will really break in December when Matt Smith finally bids adieu!

Until then Stay Nerdy! 

to read more on what is going on and who might be playing the new doctor check out this website..

BBC Doctor Who?

or go here to see more ideas for who might be the next good Doctor

7 realistic Doctor Who choices

So sad, but working on it.

click here for the link to this


So I am sad to say I have a nasty case of the writer's block. I have no idea what to write or how to write it. I am very sad and frustrated at the moment. I am working on some things in my writer's journal that I am hoping to help me. I am surfing the net to get inspiration. I. AM. EVEN. WATCHING. THE. NEWS!! Crazy, I know considering I hate watching the news all it does is freak me out or make me mad.
So now I finish this horrible post.
I swear tomorrow I will have something...I will squeeze blood from a turnip! I will!
Until then, stay nerdy and remember only three months till Doctor Who comes back!

Comic Con 2013

Oh my fellow Nerds this is the eve before the biggest event of the year! I have to mention I am very sad I will not be attending Comic Con this year but I will watch it on the telly! All week I have been getting text messages regarding Doctor Who 50th anniversary, and The Walking Dead! I may just have a nerd-gasim! I am sure there are going to be better exhibits and things I'll go gagga over this is just a tease for me!

I'm excited about the films that are to be previewed. However, they are being kept secret. I am still excited none the less. I'm sure that the Hunger Games will be something to be looked at. 

Obviously Twilight will not be there this year...(tiny yeah!) I'm wondering if R.I.P.D will have previews there since the film is based on a comic book. I also wonder if there will be a Spiderman II preview. Sadly this year there will not be a Batman, or Ironman, and I guess that is ok. Percy Jackson is coming out with another film, but I'm not sure that will be at the event. I'm just guessing here. Sadly once again Harry Potter is not! That is ok, I am adult and J.K Rowling has writing two adult books, move on me!
Oh the anticipation is killing me.
I do know this is the 20th anniversary for the X-files so there should be something exciting going on with that. Divergent based on the books is anticipated, as well as the Clockwork series. Dexter!(need I say more)
Veronica Mars.........NERD-GASIM!! So excited about the kick-starter fund having been success and they have started film. (I can hardly wait!!) Though I am still heart broken over the third season Game of Thrones is another I am chopping at the bit for. One of my new favs, cause I loves BBC America, Orphan Black. The show of clones getting killed off one by one! Oh too much this is just an over load. I have saved the second thing I can't wait to see and that is Thor II. Only because I loves me some Chris Hensworth!!! lolz. swoon!
Regardless of what is going to to be there I am super excited and I will keep visual!! Stay Nerdy my friends.

Winter is NOT coming!!!!

Since seeing the second to last Game of Thrones I have been holding my breath waiting for the moment when it would be ok to express what is WRONG with this damn show! Warning Do not emotionally invest in this show!
 First Ned Stark is gone, and ok I understand that but then they kill off the one person who I thought was going to really do something extremely interesting in this show. They killed off ROBERT STARK!! WTF! They killed him beyond repair, not the soap opera classic way that leaves the door open in case they can bring them back. No, first they stabbed his wife in her belly several times, then they shot him twice with arrows, and when his wife was good and dead they slit his throat! After they killed his mother, they then cut his head off and mounted his wolf's head to his body. I'd say there is no way he is coming back.
This leads me to wonder who the heck is next? (And is ANYONE safe?) Jon Snow? Daenery?
This last season did many things for me, bore me was one of them. The other was break my cold heart! I want to be realistic and say I understand the reason why Robb was killed but then the emotional part of me is upset. He should have avenged his father's death. He should have showed what the Starks are made of not beaten down by backstabbers.

Another thing that has bothered me is Jaime Lannister and my sudden relationship with him. At first it was so easy to hate him and to think he was just GROSS! However, during his imprisonment he has shown a different side of himself. Granted I still think he is a spineless man but he has shown a bit of compassion that I didn't expect. Such as when Brienne of Tarth is about to be raped. Or how he makes his convoy take him back so he can take her with him. He actually won me over, however I would still be ok with his death. In fact when he had his hand cut off I actually laughed. 
Still, my point of this show is you can not get too invested in a character. I have and I still am. My three remaining favs might not make it next season and that frightens me. To add insult to injury I am starting to really care for Tyrion Lannister or the "Imp". 

 Is there some way we can move through this show and be half invested to the characters?  As I have said before the show stays in line with the books, adding few things here and there. I want to read ahead only to make sure Jon Snow is going to make it. I am literally worried. How sad for me!

And now I come to the White Walkers. I don't know about you but I am scared out of my pants about this. They have been building up since season one and I have to say if they don't do something with them soon I'm going to combust. Something has to give, someone who isn't a Lannister has to have something good happen to them. Otherwise.. well we will just have to see! 

Nerd Girl Confessions..

It's time for some nerd girl confessions...do you have any?

Nerd girl issue is realizing that the characters in your favorite books out number the friends you have in real life.
Why is it so hard to have friends at a certain age?
Is it society pressure on a woman? I mean all of my girlfriends that I still talk to have kids and we never see each other. There never seems to be any time.


Second nerd girl issue is this...
Realizing that your thoughts and comments have something to do with things you have read or seen on TV.
No matter how hard I try not to make a Friends reference I can't. I only have one friend who ever understands what I am talking about when I compare a life reference to Friends. Other then my son, none of my friends or husband get the humor of Doctor Who, nor do they like it when there is nothing on and I suggest we watch Harry Potter, or Supernatural!
Nerd girl issue number three is when you have that moment where only you know what the heck you're talking about.. refer to second issue.
Nerd girl confession.. when you randomly go to the bookstore in order to find out when the next book in the series comes out only to be disappointed because the author has decided to take a year off..WTF!
This author knows who they are!!! I get it you want some time to be creative and books take a lot of time to edit. (Yet I have found several errors in some books I've recently read!) I also get it Charlaine Harris you are done with the Sookie Stackhouse series, I figured that out on book ten. The book seemed to have been a last minute thing.
and one more for the road Nerd girl issue that you are the only one in your house that loves Supernatural  and you are just like the character Becky...

I love love love Supernatural and would totally run away with Sam or Dean if I could! Then again I'd run away with Rick Grimes from The Walking Dead if that was an option as well! Swoon!! 

I guess that is enough of the Nerdy confessions or issues as I like to think of them.Until then Stay Nerdy! 

I NEED DVR!!! (My ode to DVR)

I watch too many shows!! 
This was a discovery I have just stumbled upon. Until now I had DVR, and wasn't really aware of the problem. Then May sweeps happened and all of my shows are on hiatus until September. Well, guess what! I have certain shows I watch during the summer, Rizzoli and Isles, Suits, Giuliana and Bill, the Killing, I could go on. But I won't.
 
When I had DVR it didn't matter when or what time these shows came on. I could record them and then watch them when I felt like it. Well, brilliant me decided she no longer needed DVR, and suddenly all my shows are on at once!!!
This is horrible, what the hell am I to do in September. Or in November when Doctor Who comes back on?

 I already let go of Copper because my Sundays were just too filled and let's face it I can not give up Old Lady hour when my PBS shows are on.

So currently I am trying to come up with other reason as to why I need to continue with DVR. Or the other option is to just stop watching all these damn shows. I have Amazon Prime but I have to pay to watch some things, I refuse to do that. I also refused to get Netflix. I don't need that at all! But would it be cheaper or better to have then DVR? Would it be worth it, and will I be able to watch Craig Ferguson again?
Oh the dilemma!! ") I know there are worse things to worry about, however this is my current issue. I'm trying to stop killing my brain but at the same time television is like crack. And let's be real I need it!!!

Working on the dime piece

 
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I am exhausted!!!
Since I started working on my bachelor's degree I have let things become neglected. One of those things was my fitness. I tried to fit in at least fifteen minutes of cardio but alas when it comes to Statistics those precious fifteen minutes can be used for something a little more productive, such as homework.
So for that eight weeks or so where I stopped working out my body suffered. I have noticed my thighs have become a little loose, and I am none too happy about.
So this summer I have started to work on my dime piece.
In doing so I have turned to my favorite Tracy Anderson. I love the girl I really do but after an hour of working out I want to kill the little pixie!
My butt has never hurt or burned so badly and this isn't my first time working out with the tiny one. I was doing the Method before I got heavy into school. Granted I really didn't gain any weight I just didn't look as toned as I once had. So now that I have time on my hands I have started the metamorphosis. I don't think I have ever sweat so much in my life, and I used to be a chunky monkey!!!
I am about eight days into it and I am scared of when I finish the next two. I peeked ahead to see what I could expect and my poor saddle bags shivered in fear.
I know that working out is hard work. I know that you have to put in your time in order for you to get some results. I actually like working out and look forward to it. Having said that I do not look forward to the next day. Or the crack head like tendency that I get when I'm in pain. I actually crave the leg workout so I can feel some relief.
 I will continue with the good fight! Cause I don't want to be disgusted at myself when I look in the mirror or feel uncomfortable in my tank tops. I keep looking at myself and so far I'm smiling. Since getting back on the wagon I'm starting to appreciate my own body. I am looking forward to the end of the month when I can truly bounce a quarter off of my own ass!! Until then I am going to be sweating a lot!!!

All good things must end...and start again...

I know everything has to end sooner or later. Harry Potter had to come to an end, though I'm still secretly hoping J.K. Rowling will write another one. (NERD!) David Tennant had to end as the Doctor and come this December Matt Smith's reign as The Doctor will come to an end.
It is just hard to let something go, thus why fans of Firefly are still going strong. However, when Veronica Mars abruptly ended I didn't think I would ever recover. I mean that was my Agatha Christie, or for those who don't know who she is Veronica Mars was the cooler version of Nancy Drew!
So when I heard that there was a fund raiser  for Veronica Mars on the internet I instantly became excited!! Especially when they earned enough money to MAKE THE MOVIE!!!
I loved that show, Kristin Bell was such a kick ass in it. I loved when she would say "I brought back up!" (by the way back up was the name of her dog).
I was with her from the beginning when she was trying to find out who killed her best friend Lilly. Or when she was stressing about Duncan being her brother. I gagged with her, since she had slept with him. I was also relieved with her when the paternity test came back negative. The show was gripping and smart. It didn't spell things out for you, no you had to figure things out with Veronica. And she wasn't some push over daisy. Oh no, Veronica pushed and pushed for answers. She got herself into tight spots more then once but she always found a way to get out of it. Or she was just plain saved. But the thing I loved about her the most was she never depended on someone to come and get her but her dad. He was the only one she relied on, and I liked that.
I can't wait till the movie comes out, finally after all this time!

Get out those pitch forks...it is time to get mad! Maybe even emotional.

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When is it worth getting mad? Is it worth it when you are playing a video game and things don't go your way? Or when you are in traffic and someone cuts you off? How about when you and your child are at a playground and another little kid pushes yours because they wanted to go down the slide first? Are those good times to be mad? How about emotional? When is that ever a good time? Perhaps when you are trying to download something on the internet and the stupid thing takes forever. Or when you are trying to read a book but no one around will give you peace and quiet.

I am not an angry person by nature. In fact I am always smiling, strange I know. I don't get stressed out too easily, nor do I get mad quickly. Having said that I have been pushed to my limits. I have been pulled into an emotional mud slide and I don't know how to get out of the way. I have a hard time expressing my emotions, especially when it is about that time of the month. (Yes I know TMI and how stereotypical!)
 Emotions are tricky, and often uncomfortable. Talking about how you feel is also hard. Sometimes it feels better to have your skin peeled off in chunks with a dull knife then talking about how you feel. There are times where anything that has to do with emotions can be avoided but then there are other times when they can not. For instance while visiting a family member I became enraged! I am one of those people who swallows most of their anger, only to scream about it in the car while singing to an angry song later. I don't like being lied to nor do I like disrespect. I especially don't like it when someone treats you as though you are stupid.

Coming back to the reason of my seeing red and becoming an emotional blubbering sissy.
While watching a jackass emerge from the bedroom of a teenage girl's room I saw red. Immediately I went into territorial mode. I administered massive destruction with a fleet of assault f-bombs. I was so wound up that I had to release my excessive aggravation by consulting Tracy Anderson. That girl puts the hurt in my body the way I imagine the government had at Guantanamo Bay.

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I just don't understand the selfishness or the "I don't have any self respect attitude." What is wrong with the youth today? And is it worth getting emotional and mad about? 

The other thing I don't understand is why this person or persons hasn't been faced with any consequences for their actions. If this had been an issue where the police had been called fines would have to be paid, time might have been served. Either way there would have been some kind of consequences. Are we now teaching those younger then us that our actions will not have any consequences? Can we do what ever we want and not worry about anything coming back to haunt us?
This I think is when getting mad and emotional is worth it.

First Year Without You

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The end of this month will mark the one year anniversary my family said good by to a very special person. It wasn't until recently I realized how much she took care of everyone. My mother in law did everything for anyone who entered her home. If you were hungry she fed you, if you were down on your luck she tucked you under her wing and if you were a baby without a home she welcomed you with open arms. Unlike most mother in laws, she wasn't in the middle of my relationship. She didn't try to pry information or meddle where she wasn't needed. However, she was very much apart of my life, the way my mother should have been. During her last days I was unable to spend them with her. She had been so sickly and unrecognizable that I just couldn't bring myself to get over the fear of my own mortality. 

My son, who is a little over five, was also having a hard time. I had decided his last memory of her shouldn't be her senile and sickly. He should remember he as she was, vibrate and loving. 

These days I have been thinking more and more about her. Wondering if where she is if she is happy. I am hoping she isn't too disappointed with the way things turned out after she left. Since having to come back to this place I have been placed in the role she once had. I have to say she dealt with a lot, so much I feel like crying most days. Other days I want to tell everyone to go to hell. All that I have been through the last year and most recently the past weeks I have more respect and admiration for her then I ever did. If only others who were close to her could come to the same conclusion I have. Her strength and compassion will be missed, but that doesn't compare to how much I miss the woman. I pray she is at peace and she will bestow within me some of her strength and grace. Where ever you are I miss you! 

Daily Life Of a Drama Queen

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There is nothing more irritating then finding out you are a drama queen. I realized I was one of the many suffering from this horrible condition mere minutes ago. It started with me whining because I have been unable to change my address with my bank, alas before that I picked a tantrum because the bank had given me a higher credit limit...seriously? From there my symptoms became worse, I was upset because there were open juice bottles and dirty plates all over the counter. I cried when I noticed there wasn't any more tofu in the house. Immediately, after calming myself, I thought this could just be a symptom of that time of the month. I am a girl in case you were wondering.
However, that is not the case. In fact these symptoms and many like them plagued me long before I came closer to that horrible time of the month in which we shall no longer speak about after I finish this sentence.
The last straw that broke the camel's back and made me understand just how much of a drama queen I really am was when I went downstairs after my shower to find someone had changed the channel. I was watching an episode of "Supernatural" that I had already seen, in fact I own it. The lump in my throat grew to epic proportions, the shaking in my hands had me worried I may have something wrong with me. The cold sweats that appeared on my forehead followed by the whining noise in my voice made me realize I'm not only a baby but I am ... gulp..one of those girls.
You know what I'm talking about, those girls who has to have everything....all at once. Those spoiled rotten girls that just make you want to spit..on them!
After my diagnosis I came to the conclusion that I could do some good in the world. Spread the word of this horrible condition and gain awareness. It is not a laughing matter, many girls suffer from this Drama Queen Syndrome. Soon my sisters, and few brothers who suffer in silence, we will have treatments. Until then we will hold our heads up high following the slogan "Keep Calm and Carry on!"

Nothing more annoying than being Stuck!

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As I sit at my kitchen table watching three kids fight over the last of the milk, I wonder how in the world did I get here. I didn't have these kids, or adopt them. I only have one and yet I'm taking care of three extra kids. I treat them as though they were my own. This frightens me. More than raising my own son, who I am not so frightened about raising. I think it might have to do with the idea that if I mess up I will be letting down not only the three children but also their parents, if they were around.
Thus my question how did I get stuck?
I didn't set out on this journey, nor did I ask for it.
All I wanted out of life was to move to Europe and live as some kind of artist. Naive, I know. It was just my dream. Still is, and I'm working very hard to make it happen even if the odds are working against me. Even if my husband is neutral on the idea.
I am hoping that today will give me some kind of insight into the future, that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that it is not a narrow view, that the light is brighter and closer.
Other wise I just might lose my mind!

Reading

By no means is this breaking news, I love to read. I am professional reader, if you went off by how much I read. I'll read almost anything you give me. I'll read things that will make me want to rip my eyes out, and things I will cherish forever. 

I read all of the Harry Potter books, and loved them to death. Keep them safe from everything...lol. I have read the Twilight series and to this day I still want to burn New Moon! I loved reading Sookie Stackhouse and her adventures. I enjoyed reading anything Jane Austin and Charlotte Bronte. 

The main thing I love about these books and others like them is they don't treat me as though my short term memory isn't working. I do not like books to keep taking step backwards and repeat themselves. 

For instance. "I knew he was wrong for me but I still loved him." 

a few chapters later. "I looked at him knowing he was all wrong for me but I couldn't let him go." 

AND THESE ARE BEST SELLERS!!!! Well, some are. 

I'm not one to put down authors. I think it is amazing to put for work you are proud of, I just want to know who proof read this work! 

I recently read this book about a vampire going to college who met this girl who had been sexually assaulted in high school.  I am pretty sure about five chapters could have been ripped out of the book and the story would have been fine. I know that it is hard to one come up with a story, and even harder to sell the story. I also know how hard it is keeping your facts straight while you write. I have come across NY bestsellers were the author made minor mistakes. example, " he said he'd come at five... a few paragraphs later... he arrived at my house at four like he promised". 

My concern is for the authors. Especially the independent author trying to make it, or even break into the mainstream. Shouldn't there be a filter somewhere? I mean at the end of the day the reader is going to blame the author not the copy editor or the proof reader.  

I hope when I am a copy editor I will not be letting authors down. After all as a lover of all books I would hate to be turned off of an author because I wasn't challenged all because someone wasn't doing their job. 

A post about nothing in particular

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Have you ever had one of those dreams where you don't want to wake up. You find yourself so happy, and everything seems so real that you never want to wake up. Well, last night I had one of those dreams. I was on my way to France just for a stop before I headed off to Oxford. I know my idea places to spend the rest of my days are far from the norm. I'd rather spend my time cozy by the fire reading a book while snowing or raining outside then being on a beach getting toasted. I am not a beach girl by any means! Sandals, shorts, sunscreen are all not my thing!
So when I woke up this morning to a hot room, my nose plugged up and my blankets ripped from my body pooled around my feet, imagine my sadness! Recently I had to move to a place that shouldn't be mention but just know this is a place where I'd rather have my skin pulled off slowly with a pair of rusty tweezers then be. Now that I have painted that picture you may scream here.
I'll wait.


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Ok, now that is out of the way on goes the continuing saga. Last night, or rather today for those who still read physical books, a book I pre-ordered in August was released. Oh it started off so good, like a great kiss under the stars with fireworks bursting in the background. I love the series, the author, EVERYTHING! I had planned on reading it all day just so I'd feel better and not so sad about my dream not really happening. My kindle on the other hand had other plans. You see in the midst of my excitement over the release of this book I had some how forgotten to charge my kindle. I was knee deep into the eleventh chapter when suddenly everything went dark, and I wasn't able to turn it on. My kindle made this horrific noise then flashed an image of an angry red battery with a lightening bolt running through it. I wanted to scream!
After plugging in my kindle I was asked by the husband to please find our product key to Word 2010. I have no idea where it is, so I called Microsoft and they could do nothing for me. I could however purchase a new code or upgrade! (eyes rolling)
Tired of feeling like I haven't accomplished anything,  I decided to cook.

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How very domestic of me...lol Now, back to writing! 

When do you stop being mad?

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How do you forgive someone when they deeply hurt you?
Let's say you have a person you feel protective over, cherish. This person is a child and you love them as though they were related to you in a sister way and not by marriage. When that person breaks your heart by thinking they know it all how do you forgive?
Responsibility can some times be taught when you show a child. For instance they show you they can handle event A on their own so you allow them to try out Event B on their own. Simple right, and then there is my dear friend trust. When teaching how important trust is you give a little and take back a lot when trust is ruined..right? In my world you have to earn trust. You have to earn you way through life and through mistakes, but what mistakes can be overlooked?
When a teenager becomes pregnant when do we celebrate? When do you stop being mad? When do you stopping looking at that girl as a walking tragedy? The worst part is how do you allow that person back into your heart when they show you they have learned nothing and continue to burn your trust? To me that shows I meant nothing to this person and there for I will treat them as such.
I do not celebrate irresponsibility, I do not celebrate stupidity.
There will be no  parties or shindigs were the "mother" gets to feel special. There will be no taking advantage of the gifts people give to first time parents. If this girl had been smart she would have used this as a learning experience to grow up. Sadly, as I have mentioned above that is not the case.
So again I ask when do you stop being mad?

Growing Pains

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As this weeks gets closer to the weekend I get more nervous. Tomorrow is my graduation day and I am none looking forward to it. For several reason actually and not one of them I can explain without sounding like a complete ass. I don't want to walk with over however many people I don't know, meet with administrators I never got to know and I sure as heck don't want to do it just for the degree I'm getting now. I wanted to wait until I finished with my bachelor's degree, so I can puff out my chest like a gorilla and proclaim myself proud. Alas, that is another couple of years down the road. UGH!!

Then there is moving day. 

I am moving to a place that I hate. I would rather have my eyes poked out with hot pokers as I fell upon spikes while being lit on fire. However, there is nothing I can do about this move. Life gave me a ton of lemons and all of my lemonade has gone sour. 

So as the week is coming closer to a close I am hitting life changes. I keep looking forward to the day when I can finally pack my bags up and be rid of this horrible state. I want to finally have peace in my life and write. I imagine myself wearing a comfy sweater sitting my fire while I write my latest novel at my antique 1910 writing desk. Perhaps I'll finally let go of my OCD and get a cat! That would be fun. 

So with this I am going to make this post short. 

I hope that all the Graduates out there are very proud of themselves, no matter what degree they are getting. It is great to finally see an end to a long tunnel. To everyone who is going through life changes for whatever reason I hope this brings you happiness. It is never easy to succumb to change, as you can clearly see I'm like an old lady when it comes to change. However, it is good to grow and stretch your wings. With that I leave you..Stay Nerdy! And congratulations on all your achievements. 

Phase one complete...

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I woke up this morning with a sense of urgency. There was something I forgot to do, but what was it? I followed my normal routine by getting my son ready for school, making my husband coffee and then I sat down to a rerun of Doctor Who. Still I felt as though there was something I should be doing. I reached for my kindle and flipped through my newly downloaded book collection only to find that I had nothing new to read.
So I opened up my trusty laptop and pressed the on button. I watched it slowly come to life, then quickly jumped on the internet. From the homepage I went to my emails, deleted a lot, read some. Went to my blog, looked at other blogs, made a few comments. Posted a few things, and still I wasn't getting any closer to what I thought I should be doing.
Then at last I went to my statistic class website and discovered I am done. HA HA.. There were no more homework assignments for me to do. My French class ended yesterday as well. I already know I have passed that class with an A.
I still have one more French class to take along with some English classes but that is the fun stuff. Statistics isn't the exciting love part! In fact if I could have I would have skipped that damn class or taken something similar but alas I have completed it. So far I have a B in that class and come April I'll know what I have ended that class with.
So now the road for my bachelor's degree is looking less bumpy. After trying to figure out what it was that I would be good at and accepting that there was only once obvious choice, it looks as though my dreams are finally going to happen.
This feeling of accomplishing something is incredible. I feel as though there is nothing I really can not accomplish. For the first time in my entire life I feel the speech "You can do anything," is actually true. When I was little and my teachers in Texas used to give me the above speech, I thought they were supposed to say things like that.  Granted at that time I had said I wanted to be a movie star! Ha. I was working on that path, and I was well received. However, as I got older and my mother wouldn't take me on auditions, I realized my chances of getting into the movies wouldn't happen. I have been, in my opinion, a little over weight and I don't think I am that pretty. Needless to say once again my self doubt got the best of be. Even with the positive enforcement from teachers and peers, I just couldn't do it. 
I wish there was some kind of magic potion that could zap away all the negativity we feed ourselves on a daily basis. I get why we have challenges, I even understand the best things out of life come from a little sweat and hard work.
This brings me back to my revelation...
The thing I forgot to do this morning was remember was how lucky I am to finally be on the right path for a change!