Selfishness with a hint of Narcissism

Today I like to reflect on an epidemic that is killing our young. It is nothing you can fight with medicine. This condition is highly contagious and is caused by almost every behavior imaginable. Buying a gift for someone can cause this silent relationship killer. Telling someone they are special, over and over can also create this condition. Telling someone they are pretty can lead to devastating results.
There really isn't any way to keep it from happening, it is after all human nature. We all have a tendency to be, gulp.....selfish. Or so into ourselves that we fall in love with ....ourselves.
However, some are affected more than others. Just so you know there is a scale for selfishness.
Some are just part time selfish, others are career selfish people, then you have the teenage selfish and the worst selfish is drug addict selfish. Narcissism has no scale, you are just way into yourself.
I know none of this makes sense, unless you have been affected by someone who suffers from this condition. Just know there are other people out there who understand what you are going through. If you have no one I will hear your tale of woe! I understand and I know what it feels like to have someone suck the life out of you because they only know how to love themselves.
It isn't easy but you will get through it, and they will get over themselves. Eventually. Or they will end up alone with just themselves, but hey they love themselves so much I guess they would be better off alone.

Feeling a little blue....

I have sadly come to a point where the things I normally do for fun are now annoying. I love reading, but I can't seem to get myself to do it without falling asleep. Writing feels more like a chore suddenly and I am not very happy about feeling as though writing is a stranger suddenly.
The best time of the year is coming around, Fall, and I'm not excited. I feel as though it could just come and go or just not come at all and I wouldn't care.
The only thing that I feel like doing is sleeping. I made myself workout this morning, I made myself open the computer but the more I look at it or the more I write with it the more I want to put it away.
I was given a super complement about my legal writing yesterday but I didn't get the rewarding feeling of a job well done.
Aside from not wanting to write or read, which is horrible in it's self, I have no idea why I am feeling this way. I want to cry until an answer comes to me but that would just take too much time.
I keep thinking it has to do with my current living situation, and the more I am unable to help with that I think that is why I just wanna sleep and do nothing else.
The truth is I'm just making up reasons as to why I am feeling the way I am. The truth maybe something I just don't want to here.
As the days pass and I get closer to my tenth anniversary I am trying to get excited. I am trying to come up with things that we can do but the more I come up with something the more scared I get about leaving. I am not even sure there is anything to be afraid of.
Except there is a leach living among us that doesn't know when he is not wanted. The more I learn of him the more I don't trust him and the less I want to leave him alone with my things. If only I could take a pencil and erase him!
Now how to make myself feel better, that is the one true question I must continue to ask myself!
Until next time I hope you are having a much better time than I am!

Day at the gun range!!

This has been the hardest couple of months I think I have had to endure. So many changes have occurred, my faith has been shaken a bit and to top it off my anxiety has been tested. I have had to resort to taking some anti anxiety meds a couple of times, and if you really knew me you'd know that was a big deal for me. I do not like taking meds. In fact I try to muscle through headaches, and sometimes through migraines. I fail about two hours into the headaches but I try!
So today my husband thought I needed a bit of therapy and since I am all for getting out of the house these days I jumped on the chance to go shooting.
I have to tell you I had a blast! The ear muffs squeezed the crap out of my head, but I had a grand time. I started out shooting a little .22, then I went to my husband's rifle.

The fact I was unable to keep the damn thing in my shoulder bothered me, but I muscled through and I did a grand job! So while I was there I was told I should up my game a little, and by doing so I needed to shoot a .40. I did, and I liked the heavier gun better then the little .22 I started out with. I seemed to do a much better job hitting my target then I had with the .22. Of course my father in law felt I needed to go one more. So I shot a .45! I am a small person and only weigh about 120lbs. Now having said that I was a little nervous about the kick I would get from the gun. However, the kick was the least of my problems. I had a few shells fly into my shirt and burn my skin. That is something I was not prepared for! I am proud of myself for not getting hysterical and waving a loaded gun around while the shell case burned my skin! I laughed it off and mentioned how the firing of a gun smelled an awful lot like firecrackers. Of course that was probably the smell of my burnt flesh! 

So while I was shooting I did get a lot of things out of my system. I just imagined my problems as the target and I shot away. I will admit it was a quick fix and once I got home everything came rushing back again as though I had never left but the fact is I got some relief. I also thought to myself what a fun experience. There was nothing to be afraid of. The entire time I was educated on how to hold the gun to how to load it and switch the safety off. My husband had offered to load my magazines (Terminology may not be accurate!), but I opted to load the magazine myself. At first I found it hard, my left hand isn't every strong and holding down the slide was a bit difficult. I managed to muscle through, and then I loaded the gun. All the while my husband, who has been shooting since he could use the toilet on his own, made sure I did what I was supposed to. He reminded me a few times to keep my finger off the trigger when I wasn't going to shoot or when I was just aiming. All in all I felt really proud of myself for going on this outing. I have always been an advocate for the 2nd Amendment but now I would have to say I UNDERSTAND it. By that I mean I simply get why it is important, and why gun education is the key to losing the fear about guns. If only everyone could take the time to learn a little about guns and gun safety they would see there is nothing to be frighted about. 

Now, I have to say I am not the best little shooter in the world as you can see from my picture! 

I may have been all over the place but I made a few count!! Now I am sure you will see that there is no sign of the .40 or the .45 and I will tell you why! When I shot the .40 I used a different target and the .45 I just didn't hit the mark. I managed to hit the hill side behind the target though!! Ha ha, at least I hit something! 

I think this is going to be a regular thing and who knows perhaps I may purchase my own lady weapon! Look out shooting competitions, I won't enter you but I'm a new spectator!  

Time out

Still getting used to the changes at home so I'll be taking a time out... hopefully something new will be up on Sunday!! until then don't miss the newest episode of Breaking Bad!!! Stay nerdy my friends!!

And Baby Makes 9

Four weeks early but the baby is here! 

click here for the link to this picture

One in the morning on a Saturday I was disturbed from my deep slumber to the pounding on my bedroom door. I tired to ignore the frequent pounding in favor of my sleep. However, the knocking persisted. I was then awoken by my husband telling me his sister had been taken by the hospital and he would return. Of course now I could no longer sleep. So I did what anyone would do while waiting for news, I did the dishes my family members had so lovingly left me the night before. 

Around two my husband returned from his hospital visit, and added he was going back to bed. His sister had been admitted and being her coach, I decided to get dressed and head down there. Good thing I had because four long and nasty hours she had her baby. 

Shocked! That is what I was, this was her first baby! She only pushed for TEN MINUTES!!!! She had no epidural, there was no time. When it was all said and done, I was relived I had missed the gory details by focusing on the empty crib. Alas my relief had been short lived when I happened to have looked over and seen the placenta emerging out of my sister in law! Not something I recommend seeing! 

I still have not recovered my lack of sleep. She however has! She is the most unorganized and not so prepared person I have ever met and she is doing better then I am! And she just had a baby!!! 

So now I am dealing with the glow of the annoying "adult" parents who think they are living on cloud nine. None of them have to pay for this whole ordeal because the mother is covered under her father's insurance. I am saddened she had such a simple birth only because it makes me afraid she is going to think she can do this again!

I am also afraid she has made an even bigger mistake by not breaking up with her less then average boyfriend. I can only hope and pray she will come to her senses soon!!! 

I mean how do you let someone come back into your life who didn't show up for almost two weeks after cussing you out, and practically panicked like a little girl while you are giving birth to his baby! I can't stomach a lot of things and nor have I ever had a vaginal birth (C-section for life baby!!) but I was the one who took her to her Lamaze classes! I was the one who pushed for her prenatal care, and question the size of her stomach when I thought she looked to small, and so did her doctor. I was the one who washed all of her baby clothing and bottles because she was early and no one else was going to help. I was the one who took care of her for the last two months and yet I am not rewarded with the removal of her loser and alleged abusive boyfriend! I only ask for one thing and that is only because I am concerned about her future. I am not a busy body by all means, nor do I want to be apart of this stressful situation. Having said that I must let it be known this situation is like watching a child burn themselves. You just can't sit back and watch it happen!! 

To end this bittersweet post, and I say bittersweet because this is not a happy moment. This is the beginning of a nasty rocky road (teen mom). One that we will all be left picking up the pieces when this explodes and the only one who will suffer the most will be the sweet baby! 

The baby is fine, we are waiting to brink her home. Hopefully in a couple of days she will be brought here and we won't have to wait until she is 39 weeks! 

Until next time, WEAR CONDOMS!!! 

Eye of the Tiger Baby!!!

Before I begin I need to give a little update. I returned to the Law Library for more research and I handled that place like a boss! I walked in with a "I will conquer" attitude and boy did I conquer! Of course it helps that I was listening to the "Rocky" theme song! Ha! As I said in last week"s post I know how to use a library and why this was hard I have no idea. The one thing I did that made the whole process much easier was just think of the indexes as a card catalog. Once I did that things just fell into place. Now, I am more confident my job as a Paralegal will be more successful.  As Katy Perry recently said in her new song...."I got the eye of the tiger, the fire, dancing through the fire cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me ROAR."


Now that I have my new theme song in place I feel as though I can conquer whatever plan I have in my mind. Sadly at my age this is harder and to harder to feel. Why is it that songs and encouragement only apply to the young? Then there is that grey period that I don't understand, I found myself on the outs of everything. If only Sex and the City were still on then I wouldn't feel as though nothing relates to me. For crying out loud the movies and books that are popular right now are teeny books!

How this turned into a rant from my awesome week I have no idea!

This week is also the last week of summer. Gearing up for the new school year has been one heck of a project. I have had an issue already with the school district. My child has been transferred three times, and the year hasn't even started yet. To make things so much better the district was placing him in a grade he had already completed. Why I have no idea, my only guess is they are just silly! (That was the nicest word I could up).

So, with me being the efficient busy body that I am I managed to get them to place him in a school and have transportation ready to go! Yay me! 

Though out this I have come to be proud of myself and this is how-I manged to get my relative to finally step up to his duties. It took a lot of pushing and demanding but I finally got his attention. So now he is going to be spending more time with our other relative who is pregnant and he is going to be taking her to her doctor appointments. I know you don't want to face certain situations as they are happening. Especially when they are uncomfortable or horrible or both, but you have to face them. This is something I am all too familiar with and I am hoping that soon my light at the end of the tunnel comes. 

So with that I have to say this is the first time in a long time I actually feel good about myself. I feel almost back to my old self. Working out might have done some work to my mental state. Working on my writing and working on my future has helped out a ton. The writer's block moment was annoying but I feel it is finally lifting. 

And of course I have been playing video games...like you didn't see that coming. I have also been gearing up to watch my favorite duo, Nick Frost and Simon Pegg in The World's End. And..wait for it....

the best part of this week I have......booked my trip for San Diego for....wait for it.....I am going to Comic Con 2014!!! Oh so excited!!! Now begs the question..To dress up or not? 

Until next time my friends..stay nerdy! 

The Law Library!!

Holy books Batman!!
I have never, ever, met a library I couldn't man handle! I love walking in to a library and just get familiar. I show up and just walk around while running my fingers along the shelves as though I'm seducing a lover. I whisper hello, in my head, to the books.I like everything about the library, from the smell to the crazy looking librarians and the strange people who enter.
I love sitting there just reading, and maybe writing a little.
However, today I have met a rough library. The law library! I have never been so over whelmed and frustrated in all my life. I know that today was just my first day so I shouldn't fret. That doesn't make me feel any better. I mean I should know how to read a damn book! When you look up something for a specific statue you have to start with an index, and from there the index leads you to the book you will  be able to find it in. I can not get passed the index! I wonder if it is because I don't really have an example for looking up but you would think it would be something you could easily figure out. I don't feel that way now!
I feel as though I need someone to hold my hand just to find the damn index. I also think the indexes are a waste of time, though I need to use them. I need to understand them and I must do so in a way that I will be good at what I do!
So tomorrow, I'll let you know how that goes. For now I just wanna cry! :)