You're such a.....(Fill in the blank)

Have you ever had someone at work who you just couldn't please? 

No matter how many I's you dot or T's you cross, you just can't seem to get anything right! I mean you can write a simple email, write a simple letter-that is mind you already drafted all you do is change the names-yet you can not get it right? The person who you can't please just doesn't like anything you produce! Do you know how frustrating that is? Do you know how belittling it feels? 

I don't understand even when I draft an email using the same dialogue he approved or wrote on previous emails, yet I still can not seem to get anything right.

I am now at the point where I don't even put any effort into what I do, why should I? After all it is just going to be wrong? 

So how to handle to this? 

Other than crying my eyes out I am not sure what can be done. I have worked with some difficult people in my day but NOTHING like this. There is just no pleasing this person. What is worse is he shouldn't even be there anymore! I am suppose to be taking his place, and it has been almost three months. 

All I want to do is to do my job well. I want to be good at what I do. I am tired of "getting" things wrong. I am sick of being told how much of a disappointment I am.  Especially, when I am not doing anything wrong! I know how to write a damn letter! I know how to ask for information, there is no need to call the person I just spoke with right back to see if I am wrong! 

All this has caused me so much stress and it makes me wonder just how stupid I really am. I try to do things to make myself feel better such as: "Buck up girl you got a B in Statistics". 

I just don't know what to do aside from blowing my lid! 

I am so close to screaming at him that if I don't do it now I might implode! 

I'd love to hear if anyone has any ideas how to handle this, or even other work nightmare stores! 

Until then..deep breath and Keep it Nerdy! 

Where the Hell Have I Been?

Life gets in the way of so many things. You want to spend all your time writing on your blog or working on your book but your life demands you pay the bills! You want to get your BA in English Lit. you so may explore the world of English as a teacher or copywriter. But again you have to pay the bills, so you work. Then the family wants you to take trips. AND BOY DID I!!!
I fell in love, that is what happen to me.
I went to Oregon and Washington and I just fell head over heals in LOVE!!!
My heart goes pitter patter every time I think about being in Oregon or Washington. What made it even better was we are planning making Washington our HOME!!! Nothing could make me smile as big as I am right now as this does.
Here I thought the "Veronica Mars" movie was the best thing to happen to this year!
Just yesterday I was thinking nothing could bring my high down, when my son made us go and see "The Amazing SpiderMan 2". Or as I now like to call it the "Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone love story. There were moments where I wanted to go to sleep and I LOVE movies, even romantic movies! I LOVE superhero movies. Hell I'd date Captain America if he were real. However, this was just insulting.
What is going on with stories being too long and coming together only after hours of nonsense? Why is it always one extreme then another. Such as on one hand we have a movie loaded with action and absolutely no story...TRANSFORMERS!!!...then we have a WAY too much story and a brief fart of action. UGH!!!!
So now that I have finally posted something and I've gotten a little off of my chest. I am happy to say I have set up a schedule to get things back to normal!! Soon my fingers will be smoking I'll writing so much.
Until then Keep it Nerdy my friends.

Meat and Potatoes of a story..Conflict

Sorry it has been so long... I promise not to go this long again. I really missed writing on the old blog. Today friends I like to talk a bit about....

Conflict and Obstacles

 

When it comes to writing, I believe the meat and potatoes of the story is the conflict and obstacles each character faces. Character development is also essential. There are many different elements to writing a story, each one just as important as the other.

So I have to ask this.

What if you cannot for the life of you come up with a conflict? Does this mean you are just a well-adjusted individual who obviously doesn’t have much conflict in your own personal life? Or does this mean you are a horrible writer? I wonder if I should just pack it in sometimes! Sure, I come up with the norms such as, they can’t be together because it is forbidden. He’s a vampire, she’s a ghost how will it work?

I have tried to even write a story as one is an addict and the other needs to cure someone in need. I have let a story guide me but I feel as though I am writing the same thing over and over again. How does one get out of this rivet? Are there different conflicts besides the obvious?

I look over my favorite stories as some kind of guide, and though they were written many moons ago some of the same circumstances do not apply? No one that I know of has to get married to survive. So then why not just set those stories in that time period you ask? Sure, but again I struggle.

Then there is the fact that no matter what I write I end up with a sex scene. I don’t want them they just pop up. I think to myself does this even make sense? Does this go with the story? Or, is this necessary? Each time I think about it I say yes. This is the path the characters took me on. Is this my fate to write conflict free porn? UGH!!!

This is why my friends I have not written in a long time. I try and try but I can’t come up with anything. I wonder if I can use things from my own life. They should be relatable right? I find that so boring though. The answer to this dilemma? I guess I just have to keep at it, keep pulling my characters into different directions. The more I keep at it I am sure the better I will be at coming up with a conflict.

2014......

2014

I never really look forward to the end of anything. I don't like change and I defiantly don't like when an adjustment has to be made. However, for the first time something short of a miracle has happened. I am excited about 2014. I am looking at this year with bright eyes and hope.

This is the year I will get a new job, finally move to the state and town that feels like home. I will finally belong somewhere. I will finally be able to try for that second baby that I have waited almost ten years to have. I will finally get the chance to finish my BA program. The best part is my husband is getting a fresh start. After his accident has new and exciting things he can focus on. He is going to be nervous about starting something new but I think this is going to be a good fit for him. Even if I have no idea what the heck database development is.

Last year we had been in escrow, our first house, but sadly my husband had been seriously injured on the job and we lost almost everything. Including the house that I really loved.  Life has been pretty much up and down ever since. We are planners and when things starting going downhill all of our plans went up in flames.

My heart broke for him and our family so many times. I tried to stay strong but I continually felt as though I was a failure. There was nothing I could do to make things right. The more I tried the worse things got.

This year we managed to spend Christmas in Europe and we actually had one of the best Christmas' in a really long time. We brought in the new year with new hope and a new outlook. I am starting to set small obtainable goals for myself to build my self-confidence. The start will be me branching out more and getting a job. From there we will be moving. I am excited and really looking forward to getting out California.

I never wanted to move here when I was little, and the only good that came from here is meeting and marrying my husband. I will not miss this place!!!

To better thing in the near future. To all of you out there who take the time to read my small blog, I hope the new year brings you nothing but happiness!

To end this I need to talk about the Christmas special of Doctor Who that I finally caught. I wasn't able to watch it in Germany!

I cried like a baby, even harder when I thought that Steve Moffat and Matt Smith had changed their minds and the Doctor wasn't going to change. Sadly he did! I am still unsure of this new Doctor but I have to say, this was the second episode that had me blubbering like a small baby! You will be missed Matt Smith, but I also look forward to the projects you will be a part of in the future! Until we meet again…..GERONIMO!!!  

Out of the country

I am having such a wonderful time in Eastern Europe that I don't want to leave. There is so much to see and enjoy that it feels like I'm not going to have much time getting to do and see all that I want in just two weeks.
I am planning on writing some more however I'm still recovering from jet lag! I do however have some pictures of the Nederland that I want to share!! Enjoy and until next time!

Just when you think you are in Hell..

You find there are more layers to it.
I am starting to think that Dante had it right. There really are nine depths of hell, not including the gate of hell and the dark wood. I have dreams just like everyone else, some a little more out there then they should. However, since I was at the tender age of nine I have only had one dream and that was to leave this simple po'dunk town and never look back.
I have actually been successful a couple of times, however this last attempt was not something I like to think about.
I managed to live out of this town of almost ten years and I have to say those had been the BEST nine years of my entire life. I actually felt as though I could give this hell forsaken state, California, the approval it has been so desperately trying to get from me since I was dragged here by hair from the sweet state of Texas.
Then out of the blue, due to an unforeseeable accident things came crashing down upon me. I am not happy that we are here in this hell hole I like to refer to as the ninth layer of hell. The place were no one cares about the needs of their handicap brother or sisters unless it happens to coincide with a need of there own. A town that is just like high school and never grows up, just keeps on with  juvenile gossip and cares.
I am also going to another country in a couple of days, this is another dream of mine. However, this whole trip is overshadowed by the fact that I will have to return to this place.
As I have said before and I will say until I no longer have to step foot back here, I would rather be tied to a post then burned  alive then EVER return.
I almost don't feel as though I wanna go. I would rather continue my search for a job in Washington, and move. I'd rather spend two weeks in hotel in the chosen state while pounding the pavement in order to secure the need of getting out of this place.
I am afraid that when we return I will be stuck here. I feel myself loose the simple spring in my step and the ever smile on my face. I do anything and almost everything I can to get out of this house. I schedule myself to be out of town as much as possible. I really wish there was something that I could do.
On my birthday a few days ago I cried my eyes out. I NEVER wanted to spend another birthday here. Most of my birthdays have  been horrible, starting from them never taking place or that they were just down right miserable. I felt as though the world was going to crash around me, and all of me wanted it to.
There has not a day since I was told that we were going to say here for a while that I don't think about what life would be like if I just bow out.
I am suddenly short tempered and constantly putting down whatever I possible can when I can. I even went as far as going to a movie out of town just so I could get out for a while. The more I do though the more heavy I feel, and the more I want to just stay in bed until I do actually fade away.
I don't understand what we did to end up in a place that has always made me miserable and no my husband. I was working on my bachelor's degree and my husband was at the top of his game. We had been so happy, about to buy a house and now we are reduced to nothing. All because of a man who decided not to wait his turn at a stop light and never stopped to see if my husband was alright. So now what?
How do I fix this? How do I keep my promise to myself and get out of here by the end of January? I have prayed almost ever second that passes that Washington isn't one of the other 48 states that hates California and someone gives me a chance. I am so desperate I am going to be applying at McDonald's and whatever else will take my app online. Until then I hope this hanging cloud over my head leaves the same day I do!

And the kid is heading to Germany

For as long as I can even remember I have always wanted to head over the ocean and venture the lands of Europe and the UK. I had even applied for an American College in France after I finished high school but alas was unable to go because I had not a real birth certificate. (Long story) Then I had told myself I that I would go after I had gotten myself into the career of my choice. Well, after some bumps in the road and some issues with life I was unable to get into the career of my choice.

Now only because of a fortuitous situation, as a result of a horrendous year, we are finally heading to Europe. We will be going to Germany and to France and who knows where else. My sweet husband is trying to arrange the trip so we can make a stop in the good old UK, which is all because he knows I have ALWAYS wanted to go there. 

 

So this Christmas will be jam packed with pictures, mainly selfies and landscape. I will also be annoying and take pictures of what I am eating. When I hop over to France I will take pictures of all the cheese I am not suppose to have!!

I am so excited!!

Until then!!