When do you stop being mad?

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How do you forgive someone when they deeply hurt you?
Let's say you have a person you feel protective over, cherish. This person is a child and you love them as though they were related to you in a sister way and not by marriage. When that person breaks your heart by thinking they know it all how do you forgive?
Responsibility can some times be taught when you show a child. For instance they show you they can handle event A on their own so you allow them to try out Event B on their own. Simple right, and then there is my dear friend trust. When teaching how important trust is you give a little and take back a lot when trust is ruined..right? In my world you have to earn trust. You have to earn you way through life and through mistakes, but what mistakes can be overlooked?
When a teenager becomes pregnant when do we celebrate? When do you stop being mad? When do you stopping looking at that girl as a walking tragedy? The worst part is how do you allow that person back into your heart when they show you they have learned nothing and continue to burn your trust? To me that shows I meant nothing to this person and there for I will treat them as such.
I do not celebrate irresponsibility, I do not celebrate stupidity.
There will be no  parties or shindigs were the "mother" gets to feel special. There will be no taking advantage of the gifts people give to first time parents. If this girl had been smart she would have used this as a learning experience to grow up. Sadly, as I have mentioned above that is not the case.
So again I ask when do you stop being mad?

Growing Pains

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As this weeks gets closer to the weekend I get more nervous. Tomorrow is my graduation day and I am none looking forward to it. For several reason actually and not one of them I can explain without sounding like a complete ass. I don't want to walk with over however many people I don't know, meet with administrators I never got to know and I sure as heck don't want to do it just for the degree I'm getting now. I wanted to wait until I finished with my bachelor's degree, so I can puff out my chest like a gorilla and proclaim myself proud. Alas, that is another couple of years down the road. UGH!!

Then there is moving day. 

I am moving to a place that I hate. I would rather have my eyes poked out with hot pokers as I fell upon spikes while being lit on fire. However, there is nothing I can do about this move. Life gave me a ton of lemons and all of my lemonade has gone sour. 

So as the week is coming closer to a close I am hitting life changes. I keep looking forward to the day when I can finally pack my bags up and be rid of this horrible state. I want to finally have peace in my life and write. I imagine myself wearing a comfy sweater sitting my fire while I write my latest novel at my antique 1910 writing desk. Perhaps I'll finally let go of my OCD and get a cat! That would be fun. 

So with this I am going to make this post short. 

I hope that all the Graduates out there are very proud of themselves, no matter what degree they are getting. It is great to finally see an end to a long tunnel. To everyone who is going through life changes for whatever reason I hope this brings you happiness. It is never easy to succumb to change, as you can clearly see I'm like an old lady when it comes to change. However, it is good to grow and stretch your wings. With that I leave you..Stay Nerdy! And congratulations on all your achievements. 

Phase one complete...

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I woke up this morning with a sense of urgency. There was something I forgot to do, but what was it? I followed my normal routine by getting my son ready for school, making my husband coffee and then I sat down to a rerun of Doctor Who. Still I felt as though there was something I should be doing. I reached for my kindle and flipped through my newly downloaded book collection only to find that I had nothing new to read.
So I opened up my trusty laptop and pressed the on button. I watched it slowly come to life, then quickly jumped on the internet. From the homepage I went to my emails, deleted a lot, read some. Went to my blog, looked at other blogs, made a few comments. Posted a few things, and still I wasn't getting any closer to what I thought I should be doing.
Then at last I went to my statistic class website and discovered I am done. HA HA.. There were no more homework assignments for me to do. My French class ended yesterday as well. I already know I have passed that class with an A.
I still have one more French class to take along with some English classes but that is the fun stuff. Statistics isn't the exciting love part! In fact if I could have I would have skipped that damn class or taken something similar but alas I have completed it. So far I have a B in that class and come April I'll know what I have ended that class with.
So now the road for my bachelor's degree is looking less bumpy. After trying to figure out what it was that I would be good at and accepting that there was only once obvious choice, it looks as though my dreams are finally going to happen.
This feeling of accomplishing something is incredible. I feel as though there is nothing I really can not accomplish. For the first time in my entire life I feel the speech "You can do anything," is actually true. When I was little and my teachers in Texas used to give me the above speech, I thought they were supposed to say things like that.  Granted at that time I had said I wanted to be a movie star! Ha. I was working on that path, and I was well received. However, as I got older and my mother wouldn't take me on auditions, I realized my chances of getting into the movies wouldn't happen. I have been, in my opinion, a little over weight and I don't think I am that pretty. Needless to say once again my self doubt got the best of be. Even with the positive enforcement from teachers and peers, I just couldn't do it. 
I wish there was some kind of magic potion that could zap away all the negativity we feed ourselves on a daily basis. I get why we have challenges, I even understand the best things out of life come from a little sweat and hard work.
This brings me back to my revelation...
The thing I forgot to do this morning was remember was how lucky I am to finally be on the right path for a change!

Discovering You Suck!

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Self criticism can kill any project you have been working on for sometime. Self criticism doesn't take in the facts. It doesn't care that you worked night after night on research or character development. It doesn't even care you read and rewrote everything with a fine tooth comb. You even decided to allow a friend to read your work even though you felt stupid doing it. Self criticism doesn't care, and neither does it's best friend self doubt.
I have been friends with these two for far too long. Now our relationship has become more of a war between two countries. Just when I think I might be making some head way my worst enemy drops a nuclear bomb on my work.
Right now I feel as though I'm trying to push a boulder up a mountain side. Sometimes I think I have made some head way and other times I think I might have taken a few steps back.
I am not afraid of hard work or sweating or even having bloody fingers. (not that I have experienced that) What I am afraid of is never amounting to anything. I'm working towards a particular goal but I don't feel any closer. I actually feel as though I am never going to get where I want to be or I'm going to have to leave my dreams behind because of life.
That's right life! Life is ugly, messy and it gets in the way. No matter how hard I try to make things better things end up getting worse. Instead of getting angry or doing something I might get in trouble for I use that energy to write. Writing is the one thing that has kept me sane. It had been my constant, the friend that never turns her back on me. The friend who doesn't move away or grow tired of me. I feel as though I can write out my deepest darkest fears and never fear them again. Yet. I can not get rid of self doubt or my own harsh self criticism. It doesn't help at all when you enter a contest and while waiting all sorts of bad thoughts go through your mind.
I have learned the more you fester on it the more time you are wasting. Talent is something you are born with,and it is your job to nurture it. You have to be willing to put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into something.
I try to remember this whenever I am putting myself down,  it is harder to create something then it is to critique it.
A few weeks ago I was watching a television show about a girl who wants to be a writer and she wasn't having much luck. To her horror a fellow class mate of her's had written a book and was published. Having been invited to her friend's book launching party this girl talked to former professors asking how her friend could have gotten published when most of her work not only sucked but it was better suited to start a fire. The professor simply told her that it maybe true the author doesn't write very well, has poor sentence structure, etc. However, her characters had heart. They were lovable, relatable and real. That and her story had scandal and who doesn't love that.
So that lead me to wonder. By no means am I a sells person, I couldn't sell water to a thirsty man in the desert. However, I have been told and I believe it, I have talent. They only way I am going to succeed is if I push past my demons and be proud of my work. So easily said!

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As this semester comes to a close and I am not longer being pulled into every direction, I might be able to complete a goal. I have set the bar pretty high, and that is okay. My goal for this summer is to release my first ebook. I am working on editing a story that I hope will entertain the masses and everyone will love. I have put a lot of work into it and I am going to be proud just to complete my goal. Until then, if you are a writer I encourage you to write your heart out, I encourage you to keep going even when you feel as though you can't. Write what you love, what you want to read, and what makes you happy. Whatever you want, just KEEP GOING!!

Until next time..Stay Nerdy! 

The Book Lady's Blog

I try to be a huge supporter of others, especially when we have the same loves. I hope you enjoy this blog as much as I do. I would tell you what it is about but I think you have to see it for yourself..
Stay Nerdy my friends!!


The Book Lady's Blog




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For The Love of Doctor Who

I make my love for Doctor Who known to anyone who is listening. As the last episode of this seventh series comes to a close I grow nervous. I just got over the loss of Doctor #10 played by David Tennant and fell hard for Math Smith. (Who plays the current Doctor.) I have come across rumors of him leaving the show, if that is true that would mean soon Doctor Who will become someone new.
I. AM. NOT. READY!
My husband and I tried to lighten the mood up by looking at possible replacements for Matt Smith.
I came up with the wonderful and talented Rupert Grint, if you don't know who he is, he played Ron in Harry Potter.
This time perhaps the Doctor will be a "ginger" finally. Rupert would give a sweet, quirky flare to the Doctor that I love so much in Matt. Alas still coming up with names for the Doctor's replacement leaves a nasty taste in my mouth.
As a fan you tend to invest so much into the character. When ever there is a new Doctor you are shy about him at first. You keep him at arms length only because you are still recooperating from your loss, only to fall in love again with the new actor. As time goes by you don't even think about the impeding regeneration looming over your head. You shed a few tears about the loss of companions. We are seven episodes in of the second half of series 7 and it still hurts when the Ponds are mentioned. Hell, the trailer for the next episode showing River Song's tombstone was a bit hard. Clara, is doing a good job. Her moxy is something I like and hope she lasts a while, yet at the same time I am afraid that any episode could be her last. So now I ask the question, is it better to lose a companion  you like just as much as the Doctor or is it better to loose the Doctor and keep the companion?
Whatever answer you come up with I won't judge you. Just remember no matter who we have to say goodbye too it is hard to just say goodbye.
(Yes, I know these are fictional characters but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy watching them!)
Now I ask you dear reader...who do you think could take Matt Smith's place?
Until then Stay Nerdy my friends!!

World's End....

OMG! Not since the first time I watched Shaun of the Dead have I been this excited! Well, there was that time when Hot Fuzz came out. Actually anything with Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. The only two fellows who can get this nerdy girl all excited when Doctor Who isn't involved. (By the way Simon Pegg was in an episode of Doctor Who).
Anyhow, along with Edgar Wright-director- these boys are hitting the big screen together again! This movie is called World's End, and from the trailer it is about a group of friends who attempted to hit up twelve pubs in their hometown ending at the World's End. As luck would have it they fail, and years later Simon Pegg's character wants to try it again.
I have been waiting for these two to do something else together since Paul! It feels as though suddenly one of my many nerd dreams has been answered.
Since everything about this is so new I really don't have much to add aside from my obvious excitement. The only thing that could make me happier at this moment is solid confirmation that Matt Smith will remain the Doctor until the end of 2014.
Until then my friends..Stay Nerdy!!

Some Reasons Why I love Game Of Thrones

If you have never heard of Game of Thrones you are missing out. It is one of the best shows on television to date. Well, in my opinion and look here on this blog that is all that matters. :)
When I read the first book written by (in my opinion legend) George R. R. Martin, I was both fascinated and disturbed. The story moved along pretty quickly, I am not going to lie and say I understood everything being told right away. Somethings I had to re-read in order for me to continue mainly because of the depth of the story. There is so much going on and with such detail I found it might have been a good idea to have taken notes while I read. However, I muscled through and needless to say the end of this first book was a shocker for me. I mean breast feeding dragons? Then to see it on HBO's Game of Thrones  I was glad they had kept along with the story.It was refreshing to see a story actually stick with the story lines....of the story!!! I think some of this might have something to do with George R. R. Martin being a writer and producer on the show.
Sadly I have not continued reading these wonderful books, not because I didn't want to but for lack of time. I have them in my wish list!
The second season of this wonderful show was a bit slow for my husband-he wanted more action. I however did not. I like the slow build on things with intelligent story plots. As with the first season things were complicated and fast paced. As things get more complicated, I am more disturbed by Joffery.  I am wondering what is wrong with him as the story reveals a darker side of him. (If you haven't seen the last episode aired on 5/5/13 I won't spoil it for you) Perhaps it all has to do with his breeding.....
Continuing on into season three I'm finding myself to be amazed with Robb Stark and as ever with Daenerys.  I like the Littlefinger and Varys, even though at times when watching Littlefinger and Varys I find myself feeling very much like Alice in Alice in Wonderland. Conversations with them are very similar to that of the Mad Hatter and the Mad Hare. They speak in riddles and in circles, spilling only half truths within vague stories.
The thing that I love most about Game of Thrones  is how manipulative every character is. If the character isn't, such as the case with Sansa, you find yourself wishing this girl would get a back bone. However, that was how she was raised. Her father, Ned, was an honorable man, who even put to death as a traitor, is talked about in a respectable way. For all intense and purposes I have come to the conclusion Ned Stark is the man Jamie Lannister (The King Slayer) wishes he could be. However, he is too busy being an ass and having relations with someone he shouldn't. (I'm trying not to give too much away.)
This story is so backstabbing and just heart wrenching, I still can not believe they killed NED STARK!!!!!! Though I felt better when Jamie had his hand cut off! In this unpredictable story where the writers are not afraid of killing off anyone I find it very hard to let go of those characters that mean something, especially to me.
With that being said I truly hope you get Net Flix or HBO just for this show. (and for True Blood....don't hate me cause I love that show.)

Hey look here...I like to write

Writing is what I like to do. I know that doesn't seem like a fabulous thing to do all the time, but I love it. I love it so much that I have decided to create a new blog where I just talk about things. The overwhelming support I received from my personal Facebook has made it possible for me to finally take that plunge.
So thanks for any support that I may receive in the future and I hope you will enjoy everything I post!
Until then Happy Reading!!