Sunday 30 June 2013

Get out those pitch forks...it is time to get mad! Maybe even emotional.


When is it worth getting mad? Is it worth it when you are playing a video game and things don't go your way? Or when you are in traffic and someone cuts you off? How about when you and your child are at a playground and another little kid pushes yours because they wanted to go down the slide first? Are those good times to be mad? How about emotional? When is that ever a good time? Perhaps when you are trying to download something on the internet and the stupid thing takes forever. Or when you are trying to read a book but no one around will give you peace and quiet.
I am not an angry person by nature. In fact I am always smiling, strange I know. I don't get stressed out too easily, nor do I get mad quickly. Having said that I have been pushed to my limits. I have been pulled into an emotional mud slide and I don't know how to get out of the way. I have a hard time expressing my emotions, especially when it is about that time of the month. (Yes I know TMI and how stereotypical!)
 Emotions are tricky, and often uncomfortable. Talking about how you feel is also hard. Sometimes it feels better to have your skin peeled off in chunks with a dull knife then talking about how you feel. There are times where anything that has to do with emotions can be avoided but then there are other times when they can not. For instance while visiting a family member I became enraged! I am one of those people who swallows most of their anger, only to scream about it in the car while singing to an angry song later. I don't like being lied to nor do I like disrespect. I especially don't like it when someone treats you as though you are stupid.
Coming back to the reason of my seeing red and becoming an emotional blubbering sissy.
While watching a jackass emerge from the bedroom of a teenage girl's room I saw red. Immediately I went into territorial mode. I administered massive destruction with a fleet of assault f-bombs. I was so wound up that I had to release my excessive aggravation by consulting Tracy Anderson. That girl puts the hurt in my body the way I imagine the government had at Guantanamo Bay.
I just don't understand the selfishness or the "I don't have any self respect attitude." What is wrong with the youth today? And is it worth getting emotional and mad about? 
The other thing I don't understand is why this person or persons hasn't been faced with any consequences for their actions. If this had been an issue where the police had been called fines would have to be paid, time might have been served. Either way there would have been some kind of consequences. Are we now teaching those younger then us that our actions will not have any consequences? Can we do what ever we want and not worry about anything coming back to haunt us?
This I think is when getting mad and emotional is worth it.

Tuesday 25 June 2013

First Year Without You


The end of this month will mark the one year anniversary my family said good by to a very special person. It wasn't until recently I realized how much she took care of everyone. My mother in law did everything for anyone who entered her home. If you were hungry she fed you, if you were down on your luck she tucked you under her wing and if you were a baby without a home she welcomed you with open arms. Unlike most mother in laws, she wasn't in the middle of my relationship. She didn't try to pry information or meddle where she wasn't needed. However, she was very much apart of my life, the way my mother should have been. During her last days I was unable to spend them with her. She had been so sickly and unrecognizable that I just couldn't bring myself to get over the fear of my own mortality. 
My son, who is a little over five, was also having a hard time. I had decided his last memory of her shouldn't be her senile and sickly. He should remember he as she was, vibrate and loving. 
These days I have been thinking more and more about her. Wondering if where she is if she is happy. I am hoping she isn't too disappointed with the way things turned out after she left. Since having to come back to this place I have been placed in the role she once had. I have to say she dealt with a lot, so much I feel like crying most days. Other days I want to tell everyone to go to hell. All that I have been through the last year and most recently the past weeks I have more respect and admiration for her then I ever did. If only others who were close to her could come to the same conclusion I have. Her strength and compassion will be missed, but that doesn't compare to how much I miss the woman. I pray she is at peace and she will bestow within me some of her strength and grace. Where ever you are I miss you! 

Thursday 20 June 2013

Daily Life Of a Drama Queen



There is nothing more irritating then finding out you are a drama queen. I realized I was one of the many suffering from this horrible condition mere minutes ago. It started with me whining because I have been unable to change my address with my bank, alas before that I picked a tantrum because the bank had given me a higher credit limit...seriously? From there my symptoms became worse, I was upset because there were open juice bottles and dirty plates all over the counter. I cried when I noticed there wasn't any more tofu in the house. Immediately, after calming myself, I thought this could just be a symptom of that time of the month. I am a girl in case you were wondering.
However, that is not the case. In fact these symptoms and many like them plagued me long before I came closer to that horrible time of the month in which we shall no longer speak about after I finish this sentence.
The last straw that broke the camel's back and made me understand just how much of a drama queen I really am was when I went downstairs after my shower to find someone had changed the channel. I was watching an episode of "Supernatural" that I had already seen, in fact I own it. The lump in my throat grew to epic proportions, the shaking in my hands had me worried I may have something wrong with me. The cold sweats that appeared on my forehead followed by the whining noise in my voice made me realize I'm not only a baby but I am ... gulp..one of those girls.
You know what I'm talking about, those girls who has to have everything....all at once. Those spoiled rotten girls that just make you want to spit..on them!
After my diagnosis I came to the conclusion that I could do some good in the world. Spread the word of this horrible condition and gain awareness. It is not a laughing matter, many girls suffer from this Drama Queen Syndrome. Soon my sisters, and few brothers who suffer in silence, we will have treatments. Until then we will hold our heads up high following the slogan "Keep Calm and Carry on!"

Sunday 16 June 2013

Nothing more annoying than being Stuck!






As I sit at my kitchen table watching three kids fight over the last of the milk, I wonder how in the world did I get here. I didn't have these kids, or adopt them. I only have one and yet I'm taking care of three extra kids. I treat them as though they were my own. This frightens me. More than raising my own son, who I am not so frightened about raising. I think it might have to do with the idea that if I mess up I will be letting down not only the three children but also their parents, if they were around.
Thus my question how did I get stuck?
I didn't set out on this journey, nor did I ask for it.
All I wanted out of life was to move to Europe and live as some kind of artist. Naive, I know. It was just my dream. Still is, and I'm working very hard to make it happen even if the odds are working against me. Even if my husband is neutral on the idea.
I am hoping that today will give me some kind of insight into the future, that I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I just hope that it is not a narrow view, that the light is brighter and closer.
Other wise I just might lose my mind!

Tuesday 4 June 2013

Reading


By no means is this breaking news, I love to read. I am professional reader, if you went off by how much I read. I'll read almost anything you give me. I'll read things that will make me want to rip my eyes out, and things I will cherish forever. 
I read all of the Harry Potter books, and loved them to death. Keep them safe from everything...lol. I have read the Twilight series and to this day I still want to burn New Moon! I loved reading Sookie Stackhouse and her adventures. I enjoyed reading anything Jane Austin and Charlotte Bronte. 
The main thing I love about these books and others like them is they don't treat me as though my short term memory isn't working. I do not like books to keep taking step backwards and repeat themselves. 
For instance. "I knew he was wrong for me but I still loved him." 
a few chapters later. "I looked at him knowing he was all wrong for me but I couldn't let him go." 
AND THESE ARE BEST SELLERS!!!! Well, some are. 
I'm not one to put down authors. I think it is amazing to put for work you are proud of, I just want to know who proof read this work! 
I recently read this book about a vampire going to college who met this girl who had been sexually assaulted in high school.  I am pretty sure about five chapters could have been ripped out of the book and the story would have been fine. I know that it is hard to one come up with a story, and even harder to sell the story. I also know how hard it is keeping your facts straight while you write. I have come across NY bestsellers were the author made minor mistakes. example, " he said he'd come at five... a few paragraphs later... he arrived at my house at four like he promised". 
My concern is for the authors. Especially the independent author trying to make it, or even break into the mainstream. Shouldn't there be a filter somewhere? I mean at the end of the day the reader is going to blame the author not the copy editor or the proof reader.  
I hope when I am a copy editor I will not be letting authors down. After all as a lover of all books I would hate to be turned off of an author because I wasn't challenged all because someone wasn't doing their job. 

A post about nothing in particular





Have you ever had one of those dreams where you don't want to wake up. You find yourself so happy, and everything seems so real that you never want to wake up. Well, last night I had one of those dreams. I was on my way to France just for a stop before I headed off to Oxford. I know my idea places to spend the rest of my days are far from the norm. I'd rather spend my time cozy by the fire reading a book while snowing or raining outside then being on a beach getting toasted. I am not a beach girl by any means! Sandals, shorts, sunscreen are all not my thing!
So when I woke up this morning to a hot room, my nose plugged up and my blankets ripped from my body pooled around my feet, imagine my sadness! Recently I had to move to a place that shouldn't be mention but just know this is a place where I'd rather have my skin pulled off slowly with a pair of rusty tweezers then be. Now that I have painted that picture you may scream here.
I'll wait.


click here for link to this picture




Ok, now that is out of the way on goes the continuing saga. Last night, or rather today for those who still read physical books, a book I pre-ordered in August was released. Oh it started off so good, like a great kiss under the stars with fireworks bursting in the background. I love the series, the author, EVERYTHING! I had planned on reading it all day just so I'd feel better and not so sad about my dream not really happening. My kindle on the other hand had other plans. You see in the midst of my excitement over the release of this book I had some how forgotten to charge my kindle. I was knee deep into the eleventh chapter when suddenly everything went dark, and I wasn't able to turn it on. My kindle made this horrific noise then flashed an image of an angry red battery with a lightening bolt running through it. I wanted to scream!
After plugging in my kindle I was asked by the husband to please find our product key to Word 2010. I have no idea where it is, so I called Microsoft and they could do nothing for me. I could however purchase a new code or upgrade! (eyes rolling)
Tired of feeling like I haven't accomplished anything,  I decided to cook.
How very domestic of me...lol Now, back to writing!